


Sleigh Bells

by romanticalgirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Christmas coming, Willow and Xander are forced to look at everything between them and decide what their present will be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleigh Bells Ring

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2000

Willow stared across the library table. Discreetly, she hoped. Xander sat there, his head buried in his hands. His dark hair hid most of his fingers, but she saw just enough to fantasize how it would be to have her hands entangled in his.

"Willow? Have you found that information?"

She started at Giles' voice. "Um. Yes. Werewolves. Myths. Absolutely." She looked back at the computer and the information.

"It's imperative we do all we can for Oz."

"Yeah. That time of the month can be tough on a guy." Xander looked up from his history book smirking. "Really Will. I though excessive body hair was so not your thing."

"It's not Oz's fault." She said quietly. She didn't understand Xander. He hadn't shown any romantic interest in her since he'd stolen her Barbie, yet he seemed annoyed anytime Oz was mentioned. She'd have to talk to Buffy. The intricacies of the male mind were foreign to her.

"Still, I think that it's a tad dangerous, this life you gals are living. The slayer dates a vampire, you date a werewolf…"

"And you date Cordelia. You're just as on the edge as we are." She hated the bitterness in her tone. Okay, she'd actually come to realize the "I Hate Cordelia" club was a little extreme, but their relationship still made no sense to her.

"Well, date would probably be too strong a word. Mostly it's just…"

"Please Xander, spare us." Buffy walked in and sat on the edge of the table. "Lunch was bad enough. I don't think I could stomach a play by play."

He simply nodded, too enthralled by her outfit to speak. She was wearing a little elf costume, which covered very little.

"What in heaven's name are you wearing?" Giles looked up from his musty tome.

"Principal Snyder is humiliating me. It gets me out of undeserved detention, but also obliterates my self esteem. A fair trade in his tiny little mind." She stood and twirled. "What? You don't think the vamps will quake in fear of Slayer elf?"

Willow looked down at her outfit which was…sensible. A word the fit her to a T. No wonder Xander spent his time looking at everyone else Especially her best friend.

"I've got to go." She stood quickly, nearly overturning her chair. "I've got a date. With Oz. Dating."

She dashed out, her face burning.

"That was like Willow in overdrive." Xander stared at the still swinging library door. "I guess Oz gets her motor running."

Buffy slid into Willow's vacated seat. "Why don't you just admit you're jealous?"

"Jealous?" Xander scoffed. "Will and I are friends. Good friends. I told you before, that's all we'll ever be. I can't think of Willow that way."

Buffy's eyes narrowed with a plan. Maybe the only way to resolve this whole thing was to prove Xander wrong. And she knew someone perfectly suited to doing just that.

*****  
Oz sat in the open side door of his van, watching Willow. She put her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun as she scanned the parking lot for him.

She was wearing his favorite outfit. A soft, short rust skirt, cream tights, a cream short sleeved shirt and the flannel shirt he'd let her borrow and "accidentally" forgotten to take back. Willow. His Willow. She was extraordinary.

If only she could get over Xander.

Not that she was overt about it. And he understood the whole first love concept. But she was fast becoming his and a certain Mr. Harris was standing in the way of serious Willow kissage.

"Speaking of kissage," Oz thought as her face brightened when she saw him, "along with my favorite outfit, she's wearing my favorite lips."

Buffy watched Willow walk to Oz's van, smiling at their self conscious dance. She knew Willow was frustrated with the severe lack of smoochies, but unsure of how to proceed. So it was time to use her powers for good. Well, she always used them for good. But this time there would be no fangs, no dust. Just her pal Willow breaking some hearts.

*****  
"Hi."

"Again, it's like you can read my mind." Oz took her books and patted the empty space next to him. "You look most smashing."

"Oh." Then she smiled. "Oh! Thank you."

"Are there plans for tonight?"

"Giles wants research, but if you know of other things…fun things. Well, I enjoy fun."

"As do I. There's playing. In the band."

She seemed disappointed. "You'll be on-stage all night."

"Afterwards I won't. We could meet and greet."

She smiled shyly. "At the Bronze?"

"For starters."

Her soft eyes melted him. "Oz?"

He reached out to stroke her cheek, intent on tasting her sweetness.

"Oh look. A free peep show."

Cordelia and her minions laughed and Willow withdrew. He sensed her embarrassment. He was about to say something when Xander popped up next to her. "Hey Chumleys. Headed my way?"

*****  
Buffy dropped the duffel bag onto Willow's bed. "All right Willow. The time has come."

"Time? What time?"

"You have to choose. Oz or Xander."

"Um, okay Buffy? Xander could be less interested in me only if you removed his brain." Her voice was sad. And confused. "Besides there's the unable to forget Cordelia."

"The problem you have with Xander is sight."

"Right. He sees things as though I am invisible. Or at least not of the female persuasion."

"He sees little Willow Rosenburg, his friend since the dawn of time and the need for help on homework assignments. The trick is to make him see you now."

"I'm still that same Willow Rosenburg."

"Remember Halloween?"

"No. Oh no! I can't!"

"We won't be so extreme." Buffy's eyes pleaded with her. "Please Will?"

*****  
The Bronze was jumping. Signs everywhere advertised the upcoming Christmas party and all the traditional decorations were out. Dingoes Ate My Baby were onstage and it seemed like everyone was dancing.

Everyone but him. Xander sat alone at a table. Cordelia was not seen with him in such a public place. And Buffy and Willow were apparently no-shows. He was about to give up and head home when a chill coursed down his spine. Great. Dead boy.

"Where are the girls? I sort of thought you were joined at the hip."

"How's the new soul Angel? Comfy?" Xander was jealous. His two closest friends in the world, yet they both shared something intimate with this guy. He had Buffy's love and a piece of Willow's soul.

That knowledge burned Xander. As much as Angel had proven himself, he was still a vampire. He'd done horrible things. So why was the guy so damn lucky?

"Hey!" Buffy bounced up to the table, her eyes sparkling. "I am a good person."

"Oh? What girl-scouty deed have you performed?" Xander rested his hand on his chin, leaning in closer to her.

Buffy turned around and pulled someone forward. She had softly curled auburn hair, wide eyes and…Xander lost himself in the slight show of cleavage. "Hi. Xander. Er, I'm Xander."

Angel's eyes widened. "Willow."

Xander looked around, nervous that Willow might catch him staring at yet another woman who was not her. Then he noticed the soft flush on the vision before him. He shook his head. This was Willow? His Willow?

"Hi." She smiled and she was there. Beneath the different hair and makeup and body. She was still there.

"You look beautiful." Angel smiled.

"Yeah. What he said." Xander was still wide-eyed. He opened his mouth to speak again, but she had turned away.

A guy. Some guy was asking her to dance. Slow dance. He swallowed hard as she mixed into the crowd.

"Xander? You're drooling." Buffy couldn't help but smile.

"Is it magic?"

"Nope. Just Willow. Intensified."

*****  
Oz watched from the stage, a slight frown on his face. He knew she was there, the werewolf senses could pick out her scent anywhere. She was there, but she wasn't.

His Willow didn't dress like that, look like that. Oh, she looked good. But the outfit hid her innocence and naivete. Her sweetness. He was sure she was the same, but confidence like this could change her.

He looked away from her and over toward Xander. He wouldn't look away from her. Well. Maybe this was his answer.

*****  
Willow finished the dance. Heading back to the table, she sat next to Buffy. Next to Xander. "I feel like somebody else."

"You look like somebody else." Xander said. "I mean good. You have looks that are good."

Willow looked up at Oz. He was putting away his guitar. She hoped he'd come over and see her new look. Maybe this would overwhelm him into kissing her. Really kissing her. She was seriously looking forward to some toe curling.

He closed his case and strolled over to the table. He sat next to her, between her and Xander. "You came."

She smiled. "For starters."

Ah, still his Willow then. "You look…exotic."

"Buffy and I were playing dress-up."

"Why did they never invent dress down?" Xander couldn't explain the feeling in his chest. Okay, so he'd freaked a lot when he thought she was dying. And, admittedly he'd never thought family dog here was good enough for his best friend, but he'd moved on. Muchly. So what was it?

"You look a little too fancy for what I had in mind." Oz's voice was disappointed.

"It's okay." Willow held up a backpack. "I brought my secret identity."

"Shall we then?"

Willow looked shyly at her friends. She was nervous. Angel's vampire instinct could sense her sudden faster heartbeat. "I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow." She took Oz's hand and they walked away.

Xander looked from Buffy, smiling proudly and self-satisfied to Angel, who looked as though he had some hidden knowledge, to the retreating Willow, who was going out on a full-fledged, after dark, alone in the van kind of date.

"Shouldn't we be concerned about this?"

"Why?"

"He could hurt her."

"He's not a werewolf tonight Xander."

He watched his best friend leave the room, leave him behind. Somehow, when he wasn't looking, his little Willow had grown up.

Angel almost laughed as he sensed Xander's thoughts affecting his heart rate. He hoped Buffy know what she was doing, because Xander, whether he knew it or not, was jealous.

*****  
Willow changed hastily as Oz waited outside the van. Her heart was beating fast in her chest, from anticipation and a sense of power she'd never felt before. Was this how Buffy and Cordelia felt when boys fell at their feet?

She completed her transformation by pulling on her favorite rainbow sweater. Not exactly high fashion, but more her style.

Poking her head out the window, she smiled at Oz. "All clear."

He climbed into the driver's seat. "You look nice."

"I look like me again."

"Perhaps you forget. I like you."

Trying to cover her blush, Willow looked out the window. "So, what's our agenda?"

"Well, you mentioned helping Giles in the library…"

"No. Our fun agenda." She laughed. "Although, if you…" she caught his look and stopped. "Sorry. No bad guys tonight. Just a girl and a guy…"

Oz leaned over until he was a breath away. "Willow?"

His kiss was exactly what she hoped it would be. Her stomach tightened as his lips found hers. He slid his arm around her, his mind marveling at the beautiful, sweet girl finally in his arms.

At least until the pissed off vampire ripped the door of the hinges.

Willow shrieked and jumped into Oz's lap. He didn't even have time to enjoy the sensation before they were showered with dust. Oz smiled weakly at Buffy , her stake and Angel.

"Careful Oz," Angel smiled at the younger man's obvious discomfort. "They can sense the…increased blood pressure."

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Raising his blood pressure, are you Will?"

She blushed. "Thanks Buffy."

Oz let her go. "Yes. Many thanks. Can we give you guys a lift?" Before anyone else could respond, Xander flung open the side door. "Sure." He grabbed Cordelia's hand as she walked by. "C'mon guys. Liftage."

"Xander Harris, what exactly is your mental defect." She brushed off his hand. "This is a brand new outfit."

"Come on Buffy. Angel." Willow moved over so they could climb in. "You came. You slayed. At least let us take you home."

*****  
Buffy sat on Willow's bed watching her brush out her hair. "Was it fun?"

"What?"

"What?! The looks, the excitement, the kiss."

She giggled. "Oh Buffy! It was great!" She sat on the bed. "Exactly like I imagined, only I couldn't imagine something like that!"

"Okay. That made no sense." Buffy smiled, glad to have time just to spend with her friend.

"It was great. Does that make sense?"

"Pulse pounding, oh my gosh great?"

"Yeah."

"And the other stuff?" Buffy watched her closely. "The Xander stuff?"

"Xander…" Willow paused. "All that changed about me was my appearance. Xander is just hormones."

"Maybe for now, but it could lead to something more. If that's what you want."

"I don't know. I used to dream that Xander would notice me. That he would just one day slap himself on the forehead and go Willow, I love you. But I resigned myself to the fact that he notices everyone who isn't me." She stared into the mirror. "I gave up believing it could happen. With all the competition…"

Buffy flinched. She knew Willow was referring to Cordelia for the most part, but she wasn't totally blameless.

"I can't quite grasp it." She yawned widely.

"That's my cue. I have patrol to do."

Willow blushed. "Will you come by tomorrow? Before school?"

Buffy grinned. "Sure."

*****  
Xander sat on the library stairs holding Cordelia's hand. Since the incident with Kendra, she'd been more affectionate around their mutual friends, and sometime around her friends. He was apparently forgiven for last nights transgression against her outfit, as her tirade was aimed toward Giles.

"I'm just saying that having to be in this dusty library early in the morning is not good for my wardrobe or my skin the rest of the day. That's all."

Giles' eyes refocused as Buffy and Willow walked in. He jumped at the interruption, turning to face the slayer. "Good. Buffy. Ah…"

"Eloquently spoken."

"Oh my."

Cordelia, annoyed at the lack of attention, turned toward the doors. "My God."

"Willow?" Giles simply stared.

"Willow Rosenberg?" Cordelia gaped.

She waved. "Hi."

"You look…stunning." Giles pushed up his glasses. "However, we have much to discuss before class."

Xander simply watched her. She sat at the table, behind the computer. She poised her hands over the keyboard and licked her lips unconsciously. "All set."

"When did Willow get taste?" Cordelia finally asked. She looked at Xander who was staring at his friend. "Excuse me Xander? Xander Harris?"

Xander was lost. The sight of her tongue darting out between her lips had set off a daydream he hadn't thought himself capable of having. At least not with Willow in the starring role.

Buffy smiled to herself, then turned her attention to Giles. She even managed to keep a straight face when Cordelia stormed out of the room.

Willow frowned. She didn't want this charade to hurt anybody. Even Cordelia. The bell rang and the three teenagers stood.

"Very well. I'll see you all later. Willow, if you have a moment to research those artifacts the museum is bringing in? If we're to be surprised by curses, I'd like to know of them in advance."

"Thus eliminating the surprise."

"Exactly."

"Sure Giles. I'll come back during study hall."

"Excellent."

The three left the library, Xander between the two girls. "Do you think you could help me with my history tonight Will? I'm confused with this whole past thing."

"Oh. Um. I have to help Oz. Tonight's the night before the full moon, and Giles can't watch over him."

"I see." Disapproval radiated off him. "So what? I can't even see you when he's occupied with the werewolf thing?"

"That's not fair Xander." Willow stopped walking. "Do I complain about the time you spend with Cordelia or Buffy or any of the other girls you've lusted after all our lives? No. I'll help you with your history tomorrow. One more day of past won't make that much difference."

Buffy and Xander stared as she stormed away. "What's with the attitude Harris?"

"I just don't think he's the right guy for her."

"It's her choice."

"I know but…"

"Don't you want her to be happy?" Buffy stopped at the door to her class. "I'll see you."

*****  
Xander sat diagonally across from Willow, thinking. Which, he was the first to admit, was normally what he tried to avoid at all costs. He prided himself on the fact that he was at least not thinking about the subject.

He was acting like a jerk. He liked Oz. He even thought he and Willow made a cute couple. But, after seeing her last night, he'd stopped thinking of her as the girl he'd grown up with.

He watched her hair fall forward across her face as she read. She looked even better today. He could see all the changes, but in the daylight, he could also see all the things that had stayed the same.

"Willow?" He whispered.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

She turned just slightly so she could peer at him over her shoulder. "Really?"

Had her voice changed too? Or had he just not noticed she sounded so sexy? "Yeah. Me Xander. Big dumb jerk."

"Me Willow, history expert. Why don't you come by the library? I can help you and Giles at the same time."

"Thanks Will."

She smiled and was Willow once more.

*****  
Cordelia cornered Buffy by her locker. "Okay Summers, what gives?"

"What?" She looked around. "School?"

"With Willow. Why does she suddenly look like she's living in this fashion era?"

"I think she looks nice."

"Of course she does. I know the potential was always there. The question is, who messed with it?"

"I did."

"Why?"

"She wanted to impress Oz."

"Not Xander?" She watched Buffy closely. "I may not be the most sensitive person, but I know she's been in love with him forever."

"As far as I know, it's just for Oz."

"I know you don't understand or think I'm good enough for Xander, but I care about him in my own way."

"I know Cordy."

"I don't want to be alone again." She whispered.

"You're our friend Cordelia. You won't be alone again." Buffy smiled. "Your lackeys are coming. You'd better berate me."

She didn't dare smile, but her eyes shone. "Your weird librarian friend wanted me to tell you you've got some book overdue. Back to those wild Saturday nights of your youth, huh?" She walked to join her clique of followers. "By the way, love the elf suit. Tell Santa I've been good."

*****  
Giles sat across from Willow, pretending not to stare. Willow sat across from him, pretending not to notice. Finally he spoke, "I can't get over how much you've changed."

"It's just hair, makeup and clothes." She felt strange talking about this with him.

"What? Oh no. I meant since Jenny's death. You've become much more confident and sure of your abilities, not to mention you've adapted Jenny's paganistic thought process more than once to excellent results."

"Oh. That." She bit her lip. "Thanks. It's really interesting."

"Does it conflict at all with your Jewish background?"

"It's just another thing. Like Christmas. It's not what I was raised to believe in, but I can try to understand it and enjoy it. But I can't tell my dad."

Giles nodded. "Yes. I imagine not. Well, I'll let you get to work. I appreciate you watching over Oz tonight. I shouldn't have any problems the rest of the week. For now, I've just received a new shipment of books. I'll be in my office should anything happen."

"Okey-dokey."

"But Willow?"

"Yes?"

"I meant what I said earlier today. You do look stunning."

"Thanks." She blushed. He left the room and she turned back to the computer. A shipment of Nordic treasures was arriving next week and Giles' great fear was that Loki, the trickster, would think Sunnydale was a party kind of town. Well, that was more of a Xander explanation. Giles' had contained mostly polysyllabic words.

"Hey Will. I'm here. Smarten me." Xander sat across the table from her. "I have a test tomorrow."

"Just sec." She typed a few keywords onto the screen and sent the message on its way. That done and searching, she turned back to Xander.

Who was suddenly sitting right next to her.

"Okay I don't. Have a test. Well I do. Just not soon. Which isn't that help isn't good. I…" He sighed, unable to look away from her wide eyes.

*****  
She had landed hard on her bottom when Cordelia had pushed past her. He helped her up.

"I'm Xander. You're Willow right? We live near each other. Wanna be friends?"

"Okay."

"You could be my girlfriend."

"Okay."

"We gotta kiss."

"Okay."

He'd pressed his lips to hers quickly before pulling away. "Okay. Now you're my girlfriend."

She'd sighed happily. "Okay."

*****  
"Xander?" Her heart was beating as fast as it had so long ago. Like it had when he'd almost kissed her a year ago. Like it had when Oz kissed her. Oz. "I have a lot of work to do." She turned back to the computer. "I'll still help you with your history if you want."

"Thanks Will. Maybe tomorrow."


	2. Are You Listening

Xander walked up to Oz's van before school the next day, more nervous than he cared to admit. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure."

They sat in silence for the longest time. Finally Xander spoke. "So, you like Willow."

"Yeah. A lot."

"I do too. We've been friends forever. But ever since the other night, it seems different."

"Because she's different?"

"But she's not, is she? She seems the same. Maybe I just can't believe how superficial I am. Maybe. I…"

"Do you love her?" Oz wouldn't look at him. "'Cause I think she still loves you."

"I don't know."

"Do you plan to find out?"

"That depends."

Oz sighed. "The Christmas dance is three days away. And for the next two nights, I change." He stood up and grabbed his school books. "Just don't hurt her. Ever."

*****  
Buffy watched the brief exchange between Oz and Xander, a slight frown on her face. She waited on the steps for Xander to join her. "Everything okay? Is Willow all right?"

"Peachy. So what was your plan with this makeover?" He started for the library with her beside him.

"Helping Willow gain confidence." Buffy refused to look at him. "She thought things were going to slowly with Oz. So we tried to…"

"Whet his appetite?"

"So to speak."

"Where did I figure into this?"

"What do you mean?" She smiled innocently as they reached the library.

"Nothing." The pushed open the doors. Willow was sitting at the computer typing. "Hey Will."

She looked up, her eyes shining. "Guess what! I just received an e-mail from Miss Calendar's coven. They're sending me some information!"

"That's great."

"Willow the witch. I like it." Xander sat across from her. "Do you get a pointy hat?"

"No. The elastic strap to hold it on is too painful."

Buffy nodded. "Too true. Many a birthday party has been ruined by rogue elastic." She picked up a duffel bag from behind the counter. "I've got to go change into my Herbie suit. Tell Giles I'll be back when I'm done with dentistry."

Tensions seemed to fill the room as the door swung shut behind her. "So, Oz is on the leash again tonight."

Willow sighed. Apparently it was wishful thinking on her part that the men in her life would get along. "Yes."

"Well, since Giles is on watch, he kind of asked me to keep you out of trouble. Peanuts is on. Want to come over? Just you and me and hark the herald angels singin'? Just like old times?"

"I'm not…"

"I'll do the Snoopy dance."

She grinned. "Okay."

"Great."

*****  
She leafed through her journal, her eyes sad. Fifteen years ago, her life had been so simple. Putting aside the demons, creatures, vampires and witchcraft, she was dating seriously for the first time, she was a senior and…

Her eyes traveled to the picture next to her bed. She was leaning against Xander, their arms around each other. She sighed and looked back to the journal.

*****

Dear diary, today Xander almost kissed me. Does he like me? Like me like me? Does he realize? Vanilla ice cream…  
*****  
She flipped to the night Kendra died.

*****

You're my best friend. You've always…I love you  
*****  
He didn't know that she'd heard him. If she had her way, he would never know.

"Willow?"

"Yes Dad?"

"Xander's here."

"Thanks." She slid the journal back between her mattresses and glanced at her reflection. She looked just like herself. No enhancement, no makeup. Just Willow.

*****  
"You didn't have to pick me up. I was going to come over."

"I was on my way home."

"From Cordelia's?"

He shrugged.

"You guys seem to be getting along better."

"Until someone else comes along or I embarrass her." He stopped and sat on the short stone fence that lined the sidewalk. "How 'bout you and Oz? Big dates? Lots of smoochin'?"

She blushed. "Some."

"You love him?"

"Come on. We're going to miss the show." She started walking backwards, still smiling at him. "You promised me the Snoopy dance and I aim to see it."

He slid off the fence and headed toward her. "Okay Marcy. I aim to please. Let's go."

"All right Sir."

*****  
Willow rested her chin on her hand, engrossed in Linus' speech. Xander leaned back against the headboard and watched her. He'd noticed that she'd changed her clothes and removed her makeup. But she was still beautiful.

Ever since that night he'd sat by her hospital bed, he'd been trying to reconcile his feelings for her The whole makeover had made it that much more difficult. The sweet, shy Willow was much easier to overlook. The new Willow, he couldn't help but notice.

A commercial came on and she turned her head to look at him. Their eyes met and everything else faded away. She swallowed. Hard. His eyes were appraising her now, looking at her as if for the first time.

"Xander?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Ssh." He moved forward, bringing himself closer to her, their faces inches apart. "Don't say anything Will."

Her eyes widened as he continued to move forward.

"Xander? Willow?" Xander's mom knocked on the door. "I made cookies and hot chocolate. Want some?"

Willow stared at Xander.

He shrugged. "At least it wasn't a vampire this time."

"Or Buffy." She sat up. "No thank you Mrs. Harris. I have to get home."

"Willow…" Xander grabbed her hand. "The show's not over."

"You're dating Cordelia. I'm dating Oz."

"So now that he's come along, you don't feel anything for me?" He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice but failed.

"Why not? Now that he's come along, your feelings have changed. Did you really think I was going to wait forever Xander? That good old Willow would always be there waiting?" Tears filled her eyes. "Just because your hormones suddenly realized I'm a girl, doesn't mean I'm just going to fall into your arms."

"That's not…"

"Oh, right. That's not it. Because you just don't see me like that. Isn't that what you told Buffy? I'm just Willow."

"Maybe it's taken me a long time to realize…"

"Too long." She brushed past him, barely able to see. Sadness overwhelmed her.

Xander stared after her, tears in his own eyes. What had he done?

*****  
Buffy sat on the headstone waiting for the vampire to rise. She should be Christmas shopping. Her list of people had expanded beyond her meager budget, but it still had to be done. Let's see. Angel. Hmmm. What do you get for the vampire who has everything?

"Buffy."

She turned away from the fresh grave at the sound of his voice. He was still gorgeous. And so off-limits. "Angel."

"I though you might want some help patrolling. Things sometimes get active around Christmas."

"I can imagine. It's gotta be tough for them knowing they're on the naughty half of the list."

He smiled a half smile that broke her heart. Again. "I guess that would go for me too?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Afraid so." She marveled that she could almost joke about the horrible things he'd done to her and her friends. To her watcher.

He watched the emotions play over her face wistfully. He wished desperately that he could change all of that. "Buffy… Willow?"

"No. Just Buffy."

He took her shoulders and turned her around. Willow was stumbling through the graveyard. Crying.

"Will?" She moved towards her friend.

Willow stopped. "Oh. Hi. Hey." She sniffed back tears.

"Will, are you okay?"

"Xan…Xander tried to kiss me."

Buffy was confused. "And this is bad?"

She nodded.

"Why? I thought it was what you've always wanted."

Her sad eyes met her friends. "So did I."

"It's not?"

"He's afraid he's losing me. To Oz or whatever. He's trying not to any way he can."

"Willow, I don't think…" Suddenly the ground beneath Buffy's feet erupted with the newly undead. She scrambled to her feet, slaying as quickly as she could.

But Willow was gone. And so was Angel.

*****  
Buffy strode into the library purposefully. "Giles? Have you seen Willow?"

He walked out of his office, book in hand. "I've found some fascinating texts on vampirism and holidays. I thought with Christmas…"

"Giles! Willow?"

"What? Willow? No. Not this morning. But I've only been here since the sun came up and Oz reverted to himself. Why?"

"She won't answer her phone, her parents haven't seen her, she didn't wait for me outside, she's not here. And…" she mumbled the rest of her sentence.

"What?"

Buffy sighed. "And she disappeared last night, the same time as Angel." At his look - half horror, half disappointment - she sputtered blindly on. "but he's good again now. In a vampire sort of way. He's got a soul. His. Plus a piece of Willows. So see? He's got a bit. Who needs the whole thing then? Besides Willow? I mean… Shutting up now."

"Good." Giles set his book down. "I realize Angel is no longer Angelus, but you must still guard against him Buffy. His soul has…requirements."

"No one knows that better than I do." She glared at him, mad more at herself for deserving the remark. "But that still doesn't explain where Willow is."

"I say the library."

"I looked." Buffy turned around to see Willow standing there. "I'm so glad you're all right. When you disappeared last night, I was afraid something happened."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry anyone. I just needed some time to think."

"Where'd you go?"

"I slept in Oz's van." She walked further into the library. Without the makeup, she seemed more her old self. Except for so sad.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I think so." She smiled a shy smile. "At least I will be."

"Can you explain exactly what is going on? I'm afraid I'm rather in the dark." Giles adjusted his glasses.

"Boy trouble." Buffy shrugged.

"Ah. My research probably won't be necessary then." Buffy was about to reply when Xander walked in. "Hey gals and Giles."

"Hello Xander."

"Hey Will."

She met his eyes hesitantly. "Hey."

"Am I stepping over the bounds to try to hold you to helping me with history?"

Buffy watched Willow closely. She started to say something when Willow smiled. "I don't think I could live with a failing history grade on my conscience."

"Great. Here? After school?" He picked up her books and motioned to the door. "History smack dab on the mouth of hell. Appropriate."

Giles watched them leave. "Boy trouble?" He asked Buffy. "Putting it mildly aren't you?"

"Me? Understated? Cool."

"Buffy."

The bell rang and she rushed away. "Gotta go!"

*****  
Oz stood outside Willow's class waiting for her. "Hey."

She blushed. "Hello." She rubbed his chin. "You shaved."

"Nah. Side effect. You're more Willowy today."

"It just wasn't me."

"I like the new old you. Very retro." He put his arm around her shoulders. "Did you come over last night?"

"I needed someplace quiet, so I borrowed your van. I hope that's okay?"

"Oh sure. Just, you know, worried."

"Not to." She shook her head. "You were close by if I needed help."

"As long as I didn't eat you."

"Giles was there. Besides," She opened her backpack to display her vampire slaying necessities. "I brought stakes in case you were hungry."

"Witty. And so early."

"I'm a woman of many talents."

He raised an eyebrow lecherously. "I'm liking this more and more."

*****  
Cordelia walked up to her car, studiously ignoring Xander on the hood.

"Queen C."

She continued ignoring him.

"All right. What did I do now?"

"I thought we were going pretty good. Why I care, I'm not sure. But you've been, what's a nice way to say this? Preoccupied lately."

"Faith was a fluke. Just all that talk about being naked. I'm a growing boy."

"Not Faith. Willow."

"Are you going to be jealous of Willow all the time? We're best friends. Have been forever. Perhaps you remember?"

"You don't look at best friends that way. If I had to describe that look, I'd have to say it's the one you usually reserve for whatever slayer you're lusting after."

"Cordy, she just took me by surprise. She looked different. I looked at her differently. But she's still Willow. That hasn't changed."

"I get so tired of being your girlfriend by default. Exactly how fast would you dump me if Buffy so much as looked in your direction?"

"I don't know." He slid off the car. "But at least my reason would be better than not looking cool enough to my friends."

"Well, with your friends, just about anyone would be higher on the evolutionary scale."

Suddenly they were kissing, neither sure of who had started it. When they parted, gasping for air, Xander shook his head. "There's something seriously wrong with this."

Cordelia nodded. "We should stop. All together. Once and for all."

"Absolutely." And they were kissing again, headed inside Cordelia's car.

*****  
Buffy linked her arm through her mother's. "It's nice to do this."

Joyce looked around at the swarming mob of shoppers. "Shop mere days before Christmas?"

"Normal things."

"You have a strange sense of normal."

"School's out tomorrow. Vamp activity seems to be slowing. On the negative side, I have a trillion people to buy for and a severe lack of funds. My job doesn't pay that well."

"The medical plan isn't great either." Joyce smiled. "You're right. Joking about it seems to help some."

"I'm a smart kid."

"This should help some too." She held out a credit card. "Not too much. But buy some stuff for your friends."

Buffy kissed her cheek. "You're the best."

"Well, I'm getting lots of training."

"There may be a handbook. I could ask Giles."

"No honey. I think on the job training is the only way to go here."

*****  
Oz smiled across the cafeteria table. Squeezing Willow's hand, he tilted his head sideways. "You okay?"

"Sure."

"Cause my van's free tonight too."

"I don't think I'll need it tonight."

"So everything's okay?"

She narrowed her eyes, "What do you mean?"

"Nothing…" he began then stopped. Lying to Willow he would not do. "Okay. I've known from the beginning that you had unresolved feelings for Xander. All of Sunnydale except Xander knew it."

Willow blushed.

He admired the attractive picture she made before continuing. "But you seemed to put it behind you. And we moved on. And it's nice."

"Yes. It is."

"But now, because of Angel or me or you getting hurt or both or all or whatever, he's realizing he's got feelings for you." He took a deep breath. "And I think it's important that you deal with that. Both of you."

"But…"

"Decide what you want. What's right for you."

"But Oz…"

"I told you before Willow. I can wait." His clear green eyes met hers. "And I will."

*****  
Xander paced the library. He wasn't good at waiting. Waiting required patience. He was a man of action. Quite often the wrong actions, but a man nonetheless.

"Okay. How do I feel? I have no idea."

Not a man of thought.

"Okay. Girl by girl. Buffy. Slayer. Goddess. Friend. Likes me only because I'm not likely to kill any of her friends or freak out when people bothering us explode into dust. Few issues with the woman being able to kick my ass."

Buffy. No. Check.

"Cordelia. Snobby. Beautiful. Self absorbed. Great kisser. Hates herself for liking me. Hates me for being likeable. Check on twelve step programs."

Cordy. Maybe. Maybe insane. Check.

"Willow."

A flood of memories filled his mind. His friend since forever. They shared everything until Cordy and Oz had come along. She was like his sister…

"Sister bad. Too sexy. Laws," he mumbled.

His best friend. His soul mate. His better half, his…

"Whoa. Okay. Weirdness ensuing. Too much thought. She's Willow. Sweet Willow. Girl next door. Trusting eyes, forgiving heart. What kind of blind sap am I?"

Willow. Definitely. Check.

But she was his best friend. And she'd loved him all their lives. He could never live up to that. He'd stopped telling her things so he wouldn't have to see the hurt in her eyes. He hadn't wanted to risk their friendship. Hadn't wanted to be responsible for breaking her heart any more than he already had.

After she'd run from his house last night, he'd tossed and turned along with his stomach. Scared more than by any monster that he'd driven her away forever.

Willow. Impossible. Check.

"Xander?"

"Gah!" He jumped and whirled around. "Giles! Hellmouth! Sneaky! Bad!"

"Sorry. But I'm concerned. About the carpet. I would like there to still be some."

Xander stopped pacing.

"Girl trouble?"

"Sorta. Although, no bugs or mummies involved."

"Well, that's good news then." Giles leaned against the stair railing. "but monsters are much more easily dealt with. No, how would you put it? Gooey monster feeling? To deal with."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to end up being the monster in this fairy tale."

The door to the library swung open and Willow walked in. Her steps seemed slightly hesitant to Giles. He hoped for everyone's' sake it all turned out well.

"Hi."

"Hello Willow. Enjoy your study session."

"Thanks." She smiled at Xander. "Ready?"

"Sure." He sat away from her. "I promise history is all that's on my mind."

*****  
"Xander? Xander?"

"Hmmm?" His lack of sleep had caught up with him about five minutes into their studying.

"Wake up," Willow tapped his shoulder.

"Not now Will. I'm dreamin'."

She gave up. Sitting in her regular seat, she watched him sleep. A soft ache filled her heart. She loved him. More than anyone should. And he loved her too. Not quite as much as she wanted.

She stood by him for a few moments, stroking a lock of hair back off his forehead. They would always be best friends. Whatever else there was, they weren't ready for yet. At least not with each other. Maybe they never would be.

*****  
Christmas carols could barely be heard over the roar of party-goers that filled the Bronze. Willow looked around feeling anxious.

Oz would be late. Having missed the last three nights of band practice, he'd promised to show up that afternoon. Buffy had to patrol before she could party. Cordelia mentioned shopping and Xander…well, she'd sort of avoided him since their study session the previous afternoon.

"Hey Willow."

"Oh. Um Angel. Hi."

"Not your holiday?"

"Well, they won't play the dreidel song, even though I've requested it at least fifty times."

He smiled. "You're back to you. I'm glad."

"Me too."

"Will you be at the library tomorrow?"

Giles had begrudgingly allowed them his precious library for a Christmas/ Hanukkah party. "Yep."

"I didn't get you a present for all eight days."

She pretended to look mortified. "Oh. I see. Even with a piece of my soul, you ignore my traditions."

He lightly touched the small cross she wore around her neck. "Traditions?"

"Okay, so we'll focus on the secular aspects."

He laughed. "I see Buffy."

"So I'll see you later?"

He left with a nod. Getting up, she made her way to the bar. As she reached it, two strong hands grabbed her.

She was spun around, then a pair of lips met hers.

It was passion. Raw and unbridled. Not harsh, but insistent. Firm, yet soft, caressing. His tongue parted her lips and she slid her arms around him, surrendering to his taste, his touch.

An eternity later, he pulled away. He was flushed, excited. Barely controlled.

"Xander?" she breathed.

He pointed to the mistletoe above her head. "Sorry Will. One of the hazards of the holiday."

"I don't think Hanukkah has that hazard. Random kissing. I'm gonna write it down. You think there's a suggestion box?"

He hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry Willow. But I had to. And this way, no one gets hurt. No guilt. No consequences. Am I forgiven?"

She stepped back from him. "Of course." She pulled a package from her pocket and placed it in his hand. "But what exactly am I gonna do with this?"

He looked down at the now crumpled sprig of mistletoe and smiled. "Well, I just noticed a certain werewolf…"

"Xander! First Buffy, then Cordy, now Oz? You really should see a counselor about this…."

"Hey, if you can't take the competition."

"Oh, I can take it." She took his hand and they went to join their friends. "You still owe me a Snoopy dance."


	3. ...A Beautiful Sight

"…are you listenin'? In the lane, snow is glistenin'. A beautiful sight, no slayin' tonight. Do de do de do de do de do."

Xander's singing echoed through the almost empty library. Buffy watched him dance, trying not to laugh. "Xander, please promise me you're not going to pick entertainment as a career."

He practically bounced over to where she was sitting. "Aw, c'mon Buff. 'Tis the season." He held out his hands to encompass the room. "All is well."

"All but your singing." She patted his head, smiling to lessen the sting. "It was a good night, wasn't it?"

"Presents, food, my best gals, no uninvited demons. I'm thinkin' it is the best night ever."

Buffy nodded, trying to figure how to segue into the question she really wanted to ask. "So…"

He smiled, sensing - and maybe enjoying? - her discomfort. "So?"

"What did you get Willow?"

"A stuffed Snoopy. He's battery operated. He dances."

"Don't you think Oz might be upset? A battery operated toy can be kind of personal." Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

"He dances, not…"

The door to the library opened as Willow walked back in. She took in their closeness and the soft, red flush on Xander's cheeks. A sad smile replaced the grin she'd had. The warm feeling of Oz's good night kiss had completely dissipated.

She began playing with the ring he'd just given her. He'd wanted it to be a private thing between them, away from everyone's eyes. In case she wanted to turn it down. She nervously rubbed the brilliant blue lapis lazuli stone and the intricate silver band.

"Hey guys."

They both turned to look at her, surprised at the sad expression on her face. Xander stood, concerned. "Wills?"

Buffy spotted the ring and rushed to her side. "Willow! Let me see!" She took the younger girl's hand and examined her gift. "Oh my gosh! Did Oz just give this to you? It's beautiful."

Xander joined them at a much more sedate pace, his heart pounding in his chest. * A ring? He gave her a ring?* He was having difficulty getting his mind around it. His dark brown eyes moved up from her hands to her eyes.

Her eyes. Those beautiful mirrors of her soul. How often had he stared into them, wishing he were half the man he saw reflected there? Those eyes that now seemed so sad and unsure.

"Can I see Willow?"

Both girls looked up at the strange tone in his voice. Buffy stepped back as Willow raised her right hand.

His fingers grazed her palm as he took her hand. The charge that sang through them both caused Willow to gasp. Buffy took another step back. Even she could feel the electricity pulsing around them.

Xander lifted the ring, so that it would catch the soft light in the library. It sparkled a brilliant blue. "It's beautiful."

"Tha…thanks."

They stood there, eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Buffy cleared her throat. "So, I have gifts. For you guys. My best buds?"

They broke their eye contact. "Presents are good," Willow agreed with a nod.

"Very good." Xander dropped her hand and walked back to where their gifts were waiting. Their earlier haul was piled on the table. Books from Giles - well, books on tape for Xander, gift certificates from Cordelia - "I don't think there's a one of you who doesn't need a make over", small trinkets from Angel - Giles suspected they were from his family, and CDs from Oz.

"Do you think everyone liked their present?" Buffy asked.

Willow looked down at the silver ID bracelet on her wrist. They'd all gotten identical ones from Buffy. "So why is Oz Fred?"

"The van maybe?" Xander smiled, trying to recover his composure. He'd been so nervous last night, trying to pretend the kiss hadn't happened in front of everyone, he hadn't really thought about it.

But that simple touch…

"I thought Cordelia was going to explode when she saw that she was Daphne." Buffy laughed.

"But she put it on." Willow smiled down at her own Velma. "And she seemed to like the candles I got her."

"And the boots. She liked my boots," Xander stated proudly. "I impress woman with manly shopping skills."

"In other words, thanks Buffy for all your help?"

"What did you get Angel?" He asked quietly.

"A book of paintings." She shrugged. "I asked myself, what do you get a guy that has lived over 200 years, killed your watcher's girlfriend and you still love with all your heart?"

"I say book."

"So book it was. Giles was quite impressed. He's obviously not used to seeing books without a demon on the cover."

Sensing Buffy's discomfort, Xander handed Willow a wrapped package. "Here."

"You already got me a present earlier. Remember the computer game?"

He nodded and handed one to Buffy as well.

"And me. The stakes. Handmade."

"You two are the most important people in my life. I can't get you many gifts?"

Buffy shrugged. "Not one to complain about gifts." She started to open one end, "Can I?"

"I don't think you'll enjoy them as much if you don't."

She ripped open the box and pulled out a blue baby doll shirt with the Superman logo on it. "Supergirl?"

"Supergirl, superslayer. Your pick."

"She smiled and handed him a box. "For you."

"But it's Willow's turn."

"No. Go ahead."

He smiled at the box of comics. "Buffster!"

"Your mom let me and Willow dig through your collection, so I got ones I knew you needed. And we didn't tell her about your other magazine collection…"

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Thanks."

"Willow. Your turn." She handed her another package. "Open mine."

She carefully undid the paper. There was a basket of herbs and candles. "For spells?"

"Giles helped me. Nothing too dangerous."

"It's great." She smiled widely. Pushing gifts over to both her friends, she laughed. "Looks like we all had the same idea."

Buffy tore into hers. There were three leather bound journals.

"I thought you might like them. I did the embossing myself. For writing. Your thoughts. Because you have many thoughts."

"Don't worry Willow. I love them."

Xander held his package tenderly. A huge fear was welling up in his stomach. It was a gift for a 'friend'. "Open yours Willow."

She pulled the top off the box. The stuffed Snoopy brought a happy smile back to her face. "Xander…"

He reached over to turn it on, touching her hand as she did the same. Her breath caught, and she pulled her hand away.

Xander reminded himself to breathe. "He dances. For when I'm not around." He flipped the switch. They all watched for a while, trying to control their laughter.

She got onto her knees and met him in an embrace. He stopped breathing again. Burying his head against her shoulder, he inhaled her soft scent.

"I love it," she whispered.

His reply was even quieter; "I love you."

She pulled away slowly, shyly. "Your turn."

He opened her gift, dreading every second. There was a framed picture inside, one of him and Cordelia, their arms around each other. "Thanks Willow."

"There's more." She nodded.

He pulled out another frame. This time it was a sketch of him, done by her. It was - he was - elegant and…heroic? "Is this how you see me?"

She blushed, "Of course."

Tears glistened in his eyes. "Willow…?"

Buffy stood. "I just remembered. I have to talk with Giles. And go home. And patrol. And jut be anywhere that isn't here."

The two best friends didn't even notice her leave. Their gazes were locked, neither seeing anything but the other.

"I'm not heroic Willow. Look at me. I've been spending my time plotting ways to hurt a really nice guy by stealing my best friend away from him." He looked away. "He really loves you Will and you deserve that."

"I do."

"And I care…a lot about Cordelia. But I close my eyes and all I see is you. I shouldn't. And I try to stop." He ran his finger over her romanticized picture of him. "I have to stop. I thought last night would get it out of my system."

"Xander."

He looked at her. She had the sweetest smile on her face. "I love you too."

He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't.

"But I don't know that we're ready. You're the most important person in my life, my best friend. But…" She started playing with the ring Oz gave her.

"But you love him?"

She closed her eyes, her body unconsciously swaying toward him. Afraid it would be his only opportunity, he leaned into her. A breath away, he knew he couldn't without her consent. "Willow?"

Her fingers reached up to stroke his lower lip. "Xander?"

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. It was more intense than the night before, full of passion, pain, sadness, love and need. He ran his fingers through her silky auburn hair as he lay her back onto the floor.

She deepened the kiss, pulling him even closer. His lips felt like heaven, so firm yet pliant. Her arms slid around him, his chest pressed tight against hers.

He felt his body respond to her and pulled away.

She gasped for air. "What?"

"What does this mean for us? Other than we now know there's a physical and emotional attachment here?"

"Physical?" She turned red as she realized what he meant. Not that she and Oz hadn't engaged in some heavy petting, but this was, well, Xander.

"Do you love him Willow?"

"I think so."

"So where does that leave us?"

"Confused?" She looked down at the ring. "Do you love her?"

"I'm pretty sure. But it's not what I feel for you."

"But we just can't walk away." She sniffed back tears of frustration. "I need him too Xander."

"So we're back where we started."

"No. We can't ever go back." She sighed. "We're just going to have to figure it out step by step."

"So what do we do when I want to kiss you? Secrets aren't the easiest thing to keep around here. Notice the amount of Slayerettes."

"I may be smart Xander, but I don't have all the answers."

He knew she was right. Turning off the Snoopy, he placed all of her presents in a gift bag. "Okay. Step by step. Come on. I'll walk you home. That's what best friends do."

"Are we still?"

He took her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Always Willow. And no matter what."

*****  
Willow held Xander's hand tightly as they approached her house. They hadn't met up with any of Sunnydale's more nocturnal citizens on the way home, so the walk had been relatively short.

They stood on her front porch, bathed in the soft light of the candles flickering in the window.

He continued to hold her hand, unwilling to let the evening end. "Are you coming over tomorrow? The traditional Christmas with the Harris family?"

"Wouldn't miss it. Hanukkah is over, so your Christian ways can't corrupt me."

He let go of her hand, moving closer to place both his hands on her waist. A soft clinking sound caused them both to look down at their new, unfamiliar bracelets. "You know, I always had a theory about Shaggy and Velma."

"I always wondered about him and Scooby. They seemed a little too close, you know?"

"Me and Buff?" He shook his head, sending her heart soaring. "Nah. Can't see it."

She smiled. "Anymore."

"The fantasy never got that far Will." He looked at her seriously. "I knew from the start that she and I…"

"Xander, it's okay."

He stopped, concentrating instead on the warmth of her body pressed against his. "Goodnight Willow."

She kissed him softly. "Goodnight Xander." Pulling away, she unlocked the door and went inside.

*What are we gonna do? What am I gonna do?* He waited until her bedroom light came on before heading for home.

*****  
"So, you finally saw the light, hmmm?" Angel stepped out of the shadows and fell into step with Xander. "Took you long enough."

"Go away Dead boy."

"I can't."

"Sure you can. I hear hell's a great place. Go back."

"I have a present for you."

"Great. Christmas gifts from Dracula. I'm all aglow."

"It's important."

Something in Angel's tone caused Xander to stop. "What?"

"It's about Willow."

Now he had his attention. "Go on."

"You know that the spell binds her soul to mine. I know she didn't know that when she did it, but it's done."

"Old news. You're boring me."

"There's something else. Maybe she knows and just didn't tell you or maybe she doesn't know at all, but I think you need this information."

"Just say it."

"If I'm killed while I'm Angel by someone who cares about the person whose soul is bound to mine, that part of their soul is gone - lost forever. She'll still have a soul but a …part of her will be missing."

"While you're Angel."

"Yes."

"But…?"

"If I've turned back to Angelus, if the demon is back in control, her soul reverts back to her."

"Great. So go be happy. Then Buffy can kill you and Willow will be fine."

"No."

"No?" Xander stared at the vampire, hatred burning behind his eyes. "Why no?"

"She'll be the first person the demon will go after. Willow, that is. And in this case, when the person who cast the spell is still alive, the Slayer can't stop me."

Fear replaced the anger. If Buffy couldn't stop him, then who…? He looked down at the wooden box Angel held in his hands. He took it. Inside was a smooth black stake.

"It's gypsy cursed as well. Only this stake, wielded by the one who loves her most can kill me."

"I…"

"It has to be true love Xander. If you're not up to the job, let me know now."

Holding the stake in his hand, Xander looked up at his enemy. How ironic that he would be the one to make his choice for him.

Angel watched his turmoil in his expression. He knew the boy's thoughts as if he were inside his head. "Do it now, that part of her soul is lost forever," he warned again.

He replaced the stake and closed the box. "Why should I believe you?"

"You and Willow can't afford not to."

"So, you're giving me permission to kill you?"

Angel sighed in relief then nodded. "It's your present."

Xander smiled widely and started again for his house. "Gee, and who says you never get what you really want for Christmas?"


End file.
